I Wrote a Poem… and then I was Fine!!!

It was a gloomy day
With gloomy flowers and gloomy sky
Life was not so fine with the pain
The source of which I couldn’t define

Did the day go wrong somewhere?
Or the night didn’t pass off completely?
‘What happened there?’ is the question that still remains
In my heart, on my mind, very clearly!

Life has always questioned me for what I am
I have questioned myself for what I am and what I want to be
These questions have tormented me for many days and nights
The quest to find what is really there in me

Not being able to answer
Not being able to decide
I still question myself
Am I not capable at all?
Or is it that I am running away
Because I fear that I would find out that I am not capable at all…

Fear… Fear has been dominating my life so far
Fear of defeat
Fear of reality
Fear that I am not what I think I am
Fear that I don’t want to ‘be’
Fear of ‘I’…

Just how do I get to know this ‘I’?
Why do I want to know anyway?
Even if I finally know ‘I’
What am I going to do with that knowledge?

I am in my room with no particular place to go to
I want to get up and get out of this place
I want to run away from myself for some time at least
I am going to find the solace

But what am I running away from?
Oh, yes!!! The disappointment that has just hit me hard
The desperation to know what I want
The disillusionment that I am going through right now

I will be fine when I know
When I stop running away
When I recognise what I actually want
When I realize, when I finally decide

When I talk to someone
When I write what’s on my mind
When I narrate what I feel
I feel relieved.

That is why I am writing this poem
Trying to talk to myself
‘Ventilating’-as it is called
To be fine

And then I wrote this poem…
But one question still remained
The question that pestered me from the beginning…
Am I going to be fine?

And then I heard that song from the distance
Those words caressed the sleeping beauties
They woke up with the touch of those ever so soft fingers
Smiling… Smiling at the dreams that they just had

And then I knew, even though it would take some time
I am going to be fine.